People complain about how they can’t seem to find lasting happiness.

They say they’re happy on some days but unhappy on others. And they wish they could just be content with what they already have.

Many of these frustrations arise because people hold (false) beliefs about happiness. They want to have happiness in their lives as though it was a commodity that they could possess and own. Much of this mischaracterization has its roots in the consumerist mindset that dominates the psychology of most people these days.

A consumer views happiness as a commodity; as a product that can satisfy his or her needs. But looking at happiness from that perspective leads people to believe that happiness is the same as pleasure and being able to somehow have it will lead them to experience the gratification that they desperately want and crave. This is precisely the problem most people experience when people equate happiness with pleasure: they keep searching for more and greater pleasures. In my view, this seems like the wrong attitude to have about happiness. Let’s take a closer look into what happiness as pleasure means and examine a more helpful view.

1. Happiness as Pleasure (Not)

The contemporary everyday usage of the term “happiness” strictly refers to an emotional state. It describes the feelings one has in response to positive stimulus. This stimulus may be a person, an event or an item, and the occurrence of these things in your life should, per this definition, bring you a sense of pleasure. Accordingly, you’re happy when pleasurable things happen to you, and you’re unhappy when you experience dis-pleasurable things.

However, we run into serious problems when we view pleasure and happiness as one and the same. Pleasure, in its widest sense, refers to the satisfaction of a need. It could be a real need; like drinking water, or an artificial need; like smoking a cigarette or buying a Lamborghini. And anytime you don’t satisfy your need, you will suffer the pain of not having it. But even if you succeed at satisfying such needs and you find pleasure that can keep you going for a year or two, you will ultimately develop tolerance to them. And since you no longer derive the same pleasure from them, you will start seeking more complicated and sophisticated pleasures. And such pleasures, by their very nature, are harder to attain and in turn the greater your suffering is going to be when you don’t have them.

What are you going to do if you never get to buy your dream car? What if you don’t get to eat the best foods and drink the finest wines? What if you can’t afford expensive vacations or buy designer clothes? Are you just going to feel that you’ve lived an inferior life?

So it seems wrong to think that a person didn’t live a happy life because he or she didn’t wear designer clothes or drink a lot of fine wine. We might say that the person perhaps experienced more pleasure in those moments, but we won’t assess their overall happiness in terms of these things. Right? So seeking pleasure in and of itself cannot be the cause of a happy life. A happy life has to begin with the pursuit of something else. So let’s explore an alternative approach.

2. How to be Happy in Life

I personally prefer the Aristotelian definition of happiness. Happiness for Aristotle is based on the idea of how well you’re able to “flourish” in your life.

Flourishing and growing is intimately connected with the extent to which you develop and use your capacities to their full potential. The more you employ them in service of building your professional, artistic or moral skills, the greater your chances are of realizing those powers and putting them in service of yourself and others.

In this sense, happiness is not a psychological state that changes from moment to moment. It’s about how well you hone your skills to live a life of meaningful self-development.

3. How to Find Happiness

We established earlier that a lot of people look outside of themselves for external pleasures, and I explained why this is the wrong way to look at happiness. But if you recognize that happiness is internal to you and it’s something that you can successfully realize, then you’re on track to make a positive change in your life. In fact, if you decide to make this mental shift and accept that happiness is something you possess in you, then you’re in for a beautiful transformation. You will recognize that the pleasures of life come about when you’re actively engaged in creating them.

The best and easiest approach to experiencing more happiness in your life is to begin by finding out what you’re already good at. Once you’ve identified what you’re already good and it has special meaning to you, you have to find means to develop yourself in this area even further. If you’re good at drawing, then you should join a group or take classes or make time to draw more. If you’re good at speaking, then you should consider teaching or coaching. If you’re good at making things, then you should find means to help you build things and experience more of the hidden powers and abilities you possess.

That’s where you will find your happiness. You won’t find it in another person, a beverage or in an adventure park. It’s inside you, and you can leave it there and keep looking on the outside, or you can have the courage to sit down and ask yourself: what first step do I need to take to better myself and my skills and give my life a sense of meaning and purpose. If you do so and you develop yourself to benefit yourself and others, the day will come when you look back at your life and feel proud for having lived a full life…and for not having wasted yourself pursuing a good mate, a good beverage, or good food…though in moderation and in addition to living a life of meaning and purpose, these things can add to your happiness.