Let me begin this post by saying that you are the writer of your story.

The things that happen to you in your life, whether disappointment, failure, financial mistakes, relationships mistakes, and whatever they might be, are real things… but they’re real to the extent you let them define who you are.

So making financial mistakes and losing a large sum of your money or losing all of your money and savings can cause you, among many things, to lose your self-esteem. You might also begin to suffer from depression, you become less social, and you begin to interpret your failure as something that’s both reflective and definitive of who you really are.

But that’s how things seem to you in your head.

It’s up to you to write the story of your success or the story of your failure.

We are all dealt different hands in life and we all choose to play our cards differently. But you can dwell on your failure and why you have failed. You can dwell on betting too much too early or not betting enough when the time was right and you can drive yourself into a state of no action. You can get yourself to re-live and rewind the story of your failure.

But you must change that.

It’s time to believe in yourself again. It’s time to build yourself back up and change the story of who you really are.

1. Tolerance

People have difference tolerance to failure.

If you’re the kind of person that has low tolerance for being overwhelmed…well, you’ve chosen never to leave your comfort zone. It’s really hard not to feel overwhelmed these days especially if you want to take your life to the next level. If you want to start a business, quit your job, go to school again, or do anything challenging in life, you will most certainly feel overwhelmed…and that’s okay.

You will do yourself no good if you can’t tolerate being overwhelmed or ambiguity or uncertainty, and even the possibility of failure.

Refusing to accept these things is like a person who wants to run a marathon but refuses to accept that he’s going to feel incredibly tired on the way to the finish line. Moreover, imagine the person who wants to break into the Hollywood business but refuses to accept that she might be rejected time and again. In the same vein, imagine the person who expects his business to become profitable as soon as the business is launched. It’s ridiculous to believe such things.You have to accept that things aren’t going to go your way all the time.

In fact, if you don’t start out accepting that your life is going to be hard, and it’s going to be like than on a frequent basis, then you should let go of your plans and dreams.

You should perhaps stay home and eat potato chips and watch T.V. End of the story.

The first tip I can give you to help you believe in yourself is to be flexible with yourself.

2. Hard Work

Believing in yourself is largely based on personal convictions.

You have to believe you’re in this world because you have something to offer. You have unique gift and abilities that allow you to shape the world in accordance with your vision of it.

Don’t tell me that you don’t have anything special to offer. Failure will try to tell you so. But you must recognize that failing is okay. The only remedy for failure and to get rid of the anger you feel toward yourself is to starting working hard.

Hard work is the only solution out of your problems and into your solution. Now I know it’s going to be tough to get back to that business, or get back to writing your novel, or get back out there and try one more time, but you shouldn’t quit on something you truly believe in.

It’s okay to take some time off.

Get away for a little bit. See new places. Speak to new people. That will change your perspective and help you slowly get back.

3. Focus on Your Success

Whether it’s through culture or social conditioning, many people have led themselves into believing that failure is a statement about one’s abilities and intelligence.

But that’s a false belief just like any other false beliefs.

What are the events or cases or situations in which you’ve demonstrated extraordinary savviness in the past? How much work did you put into your most successful project? How did it feel when you got recognized for doing your work? You’ve certainly experienced some success in your life.

Instead of re-living your failure, why don’t you try to close your eyes (not now silly) and re-live your success. You truly have greatness within you, and yes you may have made a few uncalculated decisions, you may have been provided misleading information, and you may have chosen to work with the wrong people…and that’s okay. You have to accept that that’s how things happened for you, but it’s time to move on. You got tripped and you’ve lost your belief in yourself, but it’s time to get back up.

4. Carry a Statement of Values

Do you have a statement of values?

A statement of values is basically a summary of the core principles that represent your self-beliefs. For example, one of my core values is my hard work ethic: I am fully invested in working on my goals and I do so honestly. Every time I feel like I am falling a little behind, I stop to ask myself honestly why I am not following through. It picks me up every time.

What are the core values that, no matter what happens to you, define your sense of self? Paste these values on your bathroom mirror or carry it in your wallet.

Even if you don’t believe in yourself, reading these values will remind you that being where you want to be is a matter of experience. And not believing in yourself at one point is part of that experience. It’s part of eventually forming more robust and more grounded self-beliefs.